Working from the East, West and “Ghost” Coasts

     In today’s increasingly virtual workspace, people can still be counted on to behave as people.  Even though the way we collaborate at work may be more different than ever, there are still age old fears impacting how we, as a people, communicate and make decisions collaboratively!  Two particular fears are prominent: the fear of disappointment and the fear of commitment.  Addressing the latter, this is not the fear you might recall when asking your young love out on a first date or even the fear that may be felt when considering a well-planned proposal to a future spouse…but I digress.  Let’s leave that topic to another blog post!  This fear of commitment is a deep-rooted emotion that causes us to grapple with Murphy’s Law as it relates to setting and meeting our own deadlines, mutual agreement of terms in team settings, and extending offers (recruiter friends, pay close attention!)

​     Where does this fear of commitment come from?!  Perhaps you are a professional serving multiple stakeholders requiring a delicate balance of multiple priorities (mission/vision, budget, time, etc.).  This could be a root cause for a recruiter.  Perhaps this fear could be driven by too much impartial information that does not support robust decision-making.  This might be a root cause for an operator.  A well-thought out list of causes for this fear could go on and on and application of a 5 Whys Analysis may help you in your search for your own root cause.  It certainly helps me.  Take a quick look at the definition of the 5 Whys (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SrlYkx41wEE) as well as a brief story of how this approach helped in Washington D.C. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BEQvq99PZwo).   

     In my corporate experience, a strong emphasis on teamwork in the workplace would often times cause a circling effect as it related to productivity.  Similar to an aircraft flying in circles around an airport, fuel (cost!) and time (productivity!) are lost!  Everyone brought fear to team meetings and you could feel it in the room.  A palpable sense of “Don’t say this in front of her” or “I don’t want to agree to any more workload because I have enough already” was often felt and even expressly communicated in response to new ideas to grow our business.  Overcoming objections rooted in fear in order to create buy in, or consensus, became necessary.  This was, of course, during in-person collaboration.  Today’s workspace has evolved and the process of team communication and decision-making involves collaboration in a remote or hybrid work environment.     

     Now, let’s briefly turn to the fear of disappointment!  When was the last time you let down someone you cared about?  How did that make you feel?  Did the feelings from that experience fade quickly or take some time?  If we are being honest with ourselves, we have ALL experienced this on one side or the other.  Disappointment is inevitable and it stinks!  Often times the experiences of being disappointed stay with us and force us to adapt how we gather information, how much or how little we expose ourselves to involvement/commitment, and our decision-making in terms of professional relationships.  I know this firsthand from projects I worked on as a government contracting officer.  While working remotely, one effort in particular required expedited approval of funding and work start.  However, I did not want to disappoint any technical team member(s) by over committing without first completing the proper file work.  This ended up resulting in disappointment anyway due to a slower process completion of full contract execution.  Instead of pausing communications (“ghosting” even if temporarily), I coped with and accepted that my fear had become a reality and I needed to address the disappointment directly with the technical project lead to further prevent unbalanced expectations.  Even in the best of circumstances with a strong response and consistent communication, disappointment exists!  We just need to reflect then learn and apply coping mechanisms to move through it effectively!      

     So, what does this mean for you, the reader?  Well, between a fear of disappointment and fear of commitment emerges a response infused with indifference and likeliness to “ghost” coast.  But let me remind you that avoidance has never been the answer and this principle was true as far back as childhood recreation on the playground.  I recall that some of my childhood peers liked to kick me and others in the shins and then run away.  It hurt a lot but avoiding that issue did not make it stop and it certainly did not make my pain any better!  It had to be addressed properly.  With this, I know it can be difficult and worrisome to meet a person head on to address or even clarify an issue.  As readers, I encourage you all to do 3 things:
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1. Listen and respond to people promptly (people always come before process/policy!)
2. Put technology to work so that it serves and boosts your communication and thereby your relationships
3. Talk about your fear(s) with a trusted peer as it relates to your situation

     
     Whether you work remotely, in a hybrid environment, or in person today, practicing these three behaviors can have a lasting positive effect on you and the people around you.  I think you will find the process of behaving this way is spiral in nature rather than cyclical.  What I mean is that you will have to use these three behaviors again and again and again particularly each time you meet someone new or join a new team.  Often times, you will have to double back (like a horizontal spiral!) in order to move forward in a relationship (think two steps forward and one step back).  This process can require focus and patience but progress will come.  No matter how badly we want a one-sized fits all process to beating fear and winning in every relationship, this simply does not exist and it never will!  People will be people and we NEED healthy interactions through reliable people.  Go make a difference and have fun with your people!